I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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