my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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