...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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