His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
