happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize