I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
