Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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