What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize