The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
