dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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