Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
