im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You smell like stripper and shame
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
