you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
