I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
