It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize