better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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