I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
