This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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