i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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