i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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