I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
