I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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