you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
