FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
