When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
