So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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