It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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