Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
