How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
