All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
