Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
