I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
