Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
