is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize