So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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