I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
