I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's like God shit irony all over that family
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you will always have a special place in my vag
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
