just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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