whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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