woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
