Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
