I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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