We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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