belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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