...so i touched it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
