I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
