thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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