I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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