i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
