a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
