why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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