I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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