Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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