I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
