I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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