She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
