Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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