: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize