dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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