the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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