two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
