You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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