Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I fill condoms, not promises.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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