I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
