Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
