u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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