Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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