Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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