are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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